


Sounds of Destruction

by spacegirlstuff



Series: Supernatural Season 15 Codas [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Needs Love (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Fight, Coda, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture - Bunker Breakup Scene, Heavy Angst, Let me love Cas, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Please!!!!!, lets just cry, together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegirlstuff/pseuds/spacegirlstuff
Summary: Dean’s heart disagrees, but his head nods.He’s never loathed himself more than he does now.“Well, I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” Castiel’s demeanor is calm as he turns around, his footsteps echoing in the room.No! Say something! Please don’t give up on me like this!He thinks.“Where you going?” he asks instead.The angel slows to a stop near the entrance to the library. “Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone.” Cas says, his small voice stinging the hunter more than his shouting voice ever could, “You and Sam have each other.”But we need you! I need you!He cries, but the angels never felt so far away from his reach as he is now.Castiel turns, his blue eyes evidence of everything that Dean has broken. “I think it’s time for me to move on.”Silence surrounds him, the finality of the bunker door closing hangs in the air along with the million other words he wishes to say.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Supernatural Season 15 Codas [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003515
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	Sounds of Destruction

**Author's Note:**

> A not so little coda I wrote after I rewatched 15x03 because I just love pain...

It was already after midnight when Dean slipped into the library, his footsteps soft, careful to not wake up anyone else. Not that Sam would actually come out of his room to check up on him, even if he passed out drunk. But Cas would, and avoiding Cas was on the top of his list. At least for tonight. He didn’t want to face the angel after everything. Not this soon, not when he was sure that he would burst out and pick a fight even when his heart wanted to do something completely opposite.

He poured himself a glass of scotch, finally having that one drink he had been craving for the past more than seventy-two hours. The glasses clinked as he picked one up, he took a slow sip, relishing the slow burn as the liquid slipped down his throat. All he wanted to do tonight was steer clear of everyone and drink his guilt alone until he was about to pass out. It sounded like a good plan. No one to look after, no work to do, no-

“How’s Sam?” Dean tensed on hearing the angel’s voice.

“Not great.” He replied. _ Not now, Cas.  _ His brain screamed at the angel to step back and come later when the hunter was calm. But Castiel was a stubborn man and Dean was like a ticking bomb, seconds away from exploding, ready to damage everyone near proximity.

“Sorry about Rowena.” Cas didn’t notice the way the hunter straightened his back, or maybe he did and just ignored it.

_ Don’t come any closer!  _

The angel was walking on thin ice and one more step in the wrong direction and he would drown. Dean could walk away too, he knew he should, before he did something he would regret, before he hurt someone else, before he completely destroyed what was already beyond repair. He knew he should walk away before he exploded. 

_ But he didn’t. And nor did the angel. _

“You’re sorry?” Dean wanted everything to stop. He wanted to stop the loud pounding inside his brain, he wanted to stop the pain in his heart and most of all, he wanted to stop the rush of air inside his lungs when he finally saw the angel. Even when in pain, Castiel looked as beautiful as always. But Dean was a monster, and all he wanted now was to break something apart. He yearned for the satisfaction that coursed through his veins when he destroyed something magnificent, and now, Castiel was finer than any piece of art he had ever laid his eyes on.

“Why didn’t you just stick to the damn plan?” He was in a battle with himself and the darkness had already won. 

_ Just step back!  _

The younger Dean, the one who still had hope, the one who still felt love, it screamed at him, pleaded him, begged him to stop. But he was way past listening. He was way past saving. 

_ But then again, when had Castiel ever given up on him? _

“Belphegor was lying,” Castiel repeated the same statement for the thousandth time, a little bit more hope being sucked out of him each time the hunter’s uncaring eyes landed on him. The weight of killing someone that looked like his own son seemed to weigh the angel down until he was kneeling on the floor. Realizing this, Dean’s demons smiled at the misery while the part of him that was in love felt his heart being shredded apart.

“Belphegor’s a demon.” Dean was loving the way the anger burned through his skin, prompting the angel to fight back with each second that passed. 

_ And Castiel had always been a soldier. _

“He was using us.” Castiel’s eyes were determined and deans demons had always been addicted to challenges. “He wanted to eat every last soul to take over Hell, Earth, and every-”

“Yeah, and we would’ve figured it out after. With Rowena.” The hunter was shouting now, welcoming the high that came with watching something ruin with open arms. The lover in him cried out in pain, the scorching heat of the fire scarring him with each word that came out of the hunter’s mouth.

“The plan changed, Dean.” He hated the calm voice of the angel. The voice which helped him through his dreams, the voice which always believed in him, the voice that the angel always seemed to use with him. Dean wanted the angel to pick up a weapon and fight. He didn’t want the angel to stand there unarmed in the middle of the battlefield while the hunters’ demons surrounded him, thirsty for the angel’s blood. “Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong.”

Dean was a predator. Dean was a predator, and he wanted to kill. Dean was a predator, and he yearned for destruction. 

_ Dean was a predator, and Castiel had never been so defenseless _ .

_ “Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?”  _ Dean had always been a hunter and he had just struck his prey. His demons cheered at the victory, congratulating him on the kill, patted his back proudly. But the lover in him bled out with the hurt that shone in the angel’s eyes, the pain too much for him to handle, the scars digging deeper than ever. 

_ But when had Dean ever flinched away from pain? _

“You used to trust me,” it was hardly a whisper, too quiet for Dean’s demons to hear but too loud for Dean’s heart to miss, “give me the benefit of the doubt.”

The angel bleeds out, blood seeping through the white shirt, dripping down until it mixes with the dirt on the battlefield. He was on his knees now, the hunter standing over him with hatred in his eyes. But no matter how much he was hurt, he never looked away, his blue eyes staying trained on the hunter’s face, accepting what he was being given.

“Now you can barely look at me.” But Dean did, his hand clutching a glass too easy to break, his heart in pieces that he was too reluctant to touch, his angel standing on the other side of an invisible line he was too afraid to cross. 

“My powers are failing, and-” Castiel’s voice broke, a few cracks appearing in deans walls that he was unaware he had put up. “And I’ve tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don’t want to hear it.” the hunter’s eyes prickle. Dean wants the tears to roll down, but he hates being weak. So instated, he rolls them. 

“You don’t care.” the angel says.

_ You are one of the only things I care about!  _ Dean wants to shout.

“I’m-” The hunter hates himself, but then again, he always has, “I’m dead to you.”

_ Knowing that you are alive is one of the only things that has kept me sane for the last three days! _

“You still blame me for Mary.” 

_ I forgave you for that a long time ago…  _

Dean’s heart disagrees, but his head nods.

_ He’s never loathed himself more than he does now. _

“Well, I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” Castiel’s demeanor is calm as he turns around, his footsteps echoing in the room.

_ No! Say something! Please don’t give up on me like this!  _ He thinks. 

“Where you going?” he asks instead.

The angel slows to a stop near the entrance to the library.

“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone.” Cas says, his small voice stinging the hunter more than his shouting voice ever could, “You and Sam have each other.”

_ But we need you! I need you! _ He cries, but the angels never felt so far away from his reach as he is now. 

Castiel turns, his blue eyes evidence of everything that Dean has broken. 

_ “I think it’s time for me to move on.”  _

_ Stay! Don’t go! Don’t leave me when I need you the most!  _ He shouts. But the silence surrounds him, the finality of the bunker door closing hangs in the air along with the million other words he wishes to say.

Bringing up the glass to his lips, he wants to take a sip. But instead, he flings it across the room, closing his eyes as before he can see it shatter. 

_ The sound of destruction surrounds him as the tears start to fall. _

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry but it was just so heartbreaking and...  
> I love writing about Dean's feelings and taking that character apart and analyzing him and just.... ugh. I'm in love with him.  
> I may write a coda for Cas too from this ep because I'm living for this and just... comment down below on what you would like to see me write next!!!  
> You can also catch me on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegirlstuff) where I am online almost 24/7.  
> See ya!!!


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